Till Death Do Us Part
by honeyMellon
Summary: As the war with Aizen looms at the horizon, Hisagi Shuuhei accepts his impending death and forces himself to hide his feelings for Renji. After all, it is for Renji's protection, is it not?
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is my first fan-fic, so please be gentle! I've finished all the chapters and am posting them all at once, so this is a _completed_ story! Please review! :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

As he listened to the pleasant clinks of the wind chime next to his window, Hisagi Shuuhei stifled a yawn and stretched. It was 2 hours after regular work hours. Everyone from the 9th squad had left long ago, but he had a lot of catching-up to do for the monthly Sereitei magazine editing work, which had been neglected due to the large amount of squad work to do in the past few days.

_A neck massage now would be nice…_

Before he could finish that train of thought, he heard a sudden burst of pattering of feet followed closely by laughter. Then his office door crashed open and three people dressed in shinigami uniforms fell to the floor.

"What is this?" he demanded, annoyed. But of course he already knew. Almost everyday after work hours, Ikkaku's group would go out drinking. Tonight was no different.

"Sorry, Hisagi-san!" Yumichika said through fits of giggles as he got up from the floor and dusted his sleeves. "It's Abarai's fault, he wanted to get you to join us!"

Still on the floor, Abarai Renji said with a hiccup, "Come on, Shuuhei, don't be such a prude. You shouldn't work so late everyday."

Shuuhei rolled his eyes. "You guys are so drunk, and it's not even 10 yet!" Just as those words left his mouth, a loud rumble escaped from his empty stomach, sending the others into fits of laughter once more.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Hisagi-san," A soft voice came from the door. Kira Izuru leaned back on the door frame. "It's not healthy."

Shuuhei smiled at his best friend. "Alright," he threw up his hands, "I'll be right there, you guys go back to the pub. Save me a seat!"

Ikkaku, who was just getting up from the floor, grinned and slapped his arm around Yumichika. "Told you we could convince him if we all come by!"

Shuuhei watched with amusement as his friends slowly shuffled out of his office still laughing and looking pleased with themselves. As Renji was about to walk through the door, he turned and said to Shuuhei with a smile, "Don't bail on us now." Then he was gone.

Shuuhei sighed.

_You have no idea, Renji._

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><p>The pub was packed as usual, filled with shinigamis relaxing and having fun after a tiring work day. Hisagi picked his way carefully through the crowd and waved when he heard Yumichika's high-pitched shout from the back of the room.<p>

Finally reaching their table, he gave a sigh as he sank down next to Kira. "Ordered anything for me?"

Kira peered at him over his sake cup. "Only your favorite." He pushed a plate of broiled mackerel to his friend.

Shuuhei quietly tucked in as he watched the others chatted happily, interrupting each other with laughter and the occasional jab at someone. Kira looked at his friend again. Shuuhei had always been an introvert, preferring to keep his thoughts to himself. But lately he noticed that his best friend had withdrawn into himself more than usual, which set off alarm bells in his mind.

Sure, Tousen and Gin's betrayal had been a terrible blow to the both of them. As Kira struggled through each day, he could only imagine that Shuuhei was going through the same thing. With the war brewing just at the horizon, their hearts were heavy but Kira had already begun to pick himself up through the haze of pain in preparation for the eventual fights with Aizen. Shuuhei had always been much stronger than him, so he was surprised and worried to see his good friend like this.

"Hisagi-kun…" Kira started.

"Hmph?" Shuuhei responded through a mouthful of rice.

Kira sighed and shook his head. Now was not the time nor venue to delve into this topic. Not with all the others around. "Nothing, I…it was nothing important."

Shuuhei shrugged, but inside he knew what his friend wanted to say. He also knew that he wasn't being himself lately. Then his thoughts were interrupted again by laughter from Ikkaku.

"So Renji! You get to be freeloader-san again tomorrow!" Ikkaku said, clapping Renji on the shoulder. "Looking forward to another trip to Karakura town? This is what…your 4th trip now? Why do you have to go so often anyway?"

Renji gave a dramatic sigh and said, "Urahara is a pain-in-the-ass. But Rukia is already staying with that brat so it's not like I have anywhere else to go."

Shuuhei's breath caught in his throat. _Renji? Leaving again so soon?_ _But he just came back not two days ago!_

"Soutaichio thinks that the Kurosaki brat could be targeted by Aizen because of the crap Aizen said as he left," Renji explained. "He seemed to think that Aizen is interested in the brat's sudden increase in power, you know, could be something the bastard can utilize for the war."

Shuuhei chuckled quietly to himself. Even though Renji was whining, he could see the twinkle in his eyes whenever he mentioned Ichigo and Rukia. He knew that they were the closest friends Renji had, and Renji loved being around them. Shuuhei wished that he could be part of that, but he knew that he would stick out like a sore thumb. First of all, Ichigo didn't really know him during his short visit here to rescue Rukia since they never fought each other. And secondly, that kid was so young. They just would not click. So Shuuhei could only envy them from afar.

_If only I could be that close to Renji. What would it be like, being more than just a respected senpai to Renji?_

It's not that Renji ignored him. It's just that they knew each other as senpai and kohai at the academy. Even though he never felt Renji being uptight or especially careful around him, he could feel that unspoken boundary.

Aside from envy, Shuuhei also felt a pang of worry for Renji. If what Soutaicho thought was true, Rukia and Renji were in danger being with Ichigo. Ever since Aizen left for Huco Muendo, Rukia had been stationed at Karakura, and now it looks like Renji would be joining her in the same mission.

As his thought wandered, Shuuhei pushed away his plate and leaned back against the wall. He stared at Renji's hair from across the table. So fiery, so silky, so…

"Hisagi-kun?" Kira waved his hand in front of Shuuhei's face. "You ok? Are you ill?"

Shuuhei laughed and slowly stood up. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly to Kira. When Kira's eyes narrowed, he added, "I'm just tired from the long day, that's all. Look guys, I gotta go. Early meeting tomorrow."

As the other booed, Shuuhei turned to leave. Just he was almost out of earshot, he heard a familiar voice. "You want anything from Karakura?" Renji called out, raising his sake cup in the air. "Another choker, perhaps? To go with the one you have?"

Shuuhei turned back and shook his head, then went on his way. "Spoil sport!" He heard Yumichika yell, and then he was suddenly outside in the cold. Hugging himself against the bite from the wind, Shuuhei sighed and slowly made his way to his quarters.

_Be careful, Renji. Just be careful…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After countless turns, Shuuhei groaned in frustration as his mind refused to rest. It had been hours since he left the pub and he was dying to get a good night's sleep. But it was like his mind had a will of its own.

Over and over again images of Renji's face flashed across his mind. Laughing at Ikkaku's lame joke, smiling reassuringly to Rukia, smirking and tossing insults at Ichigo, scowling behind Kuchiki-taicho's back…

_Why? Why can't I stop thinking about him? _

Shuuhei knew all along that he had a soft spot for the younger man, even back at the academy when he was Renji's mentor. What he didn't expect was, after the whole scandal around Aizen and Rukia's rescue, things changed in his mind. When he heard of Renji's courageous fights against Ichigo and Kuchiki Byakuya, his respect and admiration for Renji soared and his so-called "soft spot" turned into a crush. And lately…as the upcoming war loomed nearer and nearer, he was beginning to feel that the crush had now turned into…

Knowing that Renji will be heading towards danger made Shuuhei's heart ache. He couldn't do anything about it, of course. It was part of Renji's job after all, his duty as a lieutenant of the Gotei 13 Guards. To stop him from going would be a direct insult to Renji.

_If I were the one sent to Karakura, would he worry about me?_

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><p>Rubbing his tired eyes, Shuuhei turned the page of the form he was signing. He had hardly slept a wink last night. After tossing and turning for the better half of the night, his mind finally frizzed out and he managed to sleep, only to be consumed by horrifying images of Renji dying in his dreams.<p>

But death was not the only thing he dreamed about. Shuuhei felt heat creep up his neck as he thought back of the kisses, the soft caress of Renji's hands, the warmth from Renji's breath on his neck. Shuuhei remembered his own moans of pleasure, remembered how he had cried out Renji's name as he released in the redhead's warm, wet mouth. Renji had—

A soft knock on his office door caused him to startle and look up. "Dinner, Hisagi-kun?" Kira peered from the doorway, his blond hair covering half his face as usual. But the eye that wasn't blocked by his hair stared at Shuuhei with concern.

_Shit_. "Sounds good," Shuuhei pushed himself away from the desk after quickly rearranging his hakama a bit to hide his increasingly hard member. "I was just thinking about food."

"Really?" Kira looked at him, his voice skeptical. "What happened to you? Did you stay up all night or something?" Then, his eyes narrowed as he took in Shuuhei's flustered appearance. "Did you drink sake during work hours?"

"It's my pillow," Shuuhei lied blatantly. "And it's really hot in this room, don't you think?" He could see that Kira had been extra concerned about him these days, but he couldn't possibly tell Kira about his troubles. Surely Kira would lose all respect for him. After all, Shuuhei was Kira's senpai at the academy too, even if the two of them were best friends now.

"Of course," Kira rolled his eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. It would take a lot of his patience, but he was determined to make Shuuhei tell him what the hell was bothering him so much.

Once their food arrived, Kira took a deep breath and began, "Hisagi—"

"I'm sorry for making you so worried, Kira," Shuuhei cut him off. He had been watching Kira's face during their entire walk to the restaurant. The blond-haired Vice Captain had chewed on his lips throughout the entire walk and looked as if he had something stuck in his throat. If Shuuhei hadn't been feeling so depressed, he would have found it funny. "I'm not going to lie to you, I do have something on my mind, but I'm not ready to talk about it."

Kira sighed. "I knew you were going to say that, Hisagi-kun." He hesitated, then reached his right hand over to grab his friend's left hand. "Whatever that is, it's clearly causing you a lot of stress. You don't have to carry all the burden yourself, you know."

He paused for a minute, then decided to plough right through. He had a hunch, but he was also taking a huge risk. "It's Abarai-kun isn't it?"

"Wha—" Shuuhei choked on his rice and immediately burst into a bout of coughs, causing every customer in the restaurant to turn around and stare at him curiously.

_Bingo!_ Kira thought, his heart heavy even as he felt slight relief at his hunch being true.

On the other end of the table, Shuuhei was still heaving, but was clearly recovering. Kira decided to press on.

"Don't worry, nobody else noticed as far as I can tell," he said. "But I can see that ever since Abarai-kun started visiting Karakura more often, you've become increasingly distressed."

Without waiting to hear Shuuhei's response, Kira continued in a softer voice, "I don't know why you think you need to keep it from me, Hisagi-kun. I always thought of myself as your best friend."

"Kira…" Shuuhei felt a lump in his throat.

"Hisagi-kun," Kira said, staring at his friend. "Have you considered telling him?"

Shuuhei forced a chuckle. "Tell him? And risk him freaking out on me? C'mon Kira…you see how he is with Rukia, you saw how desperately he wanted to save her. He already has what he needs."

"Then you don't know him," Kira said with a frown. "See, your problem is you _assume_."

Shuuhei opened his mouth to protest, but Kira held up his hand. "I, too, thought the reason he struggled so much to save Rukia was because he loved her. But you should've seen his face when I asked him about it."

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><p>"<em>Ewww!" Abarai Renji made a dramatic attempt to look disgusted, then he relaxed and grinned. "Of course I love her! How can I not love my sister?"<em>

_Kira stared at him in confusion. "Sister?"_

_Renji's face turned serious. "She is a part of me—she became a part of my life when we met as children and grew up together. I would not be the person I am now if I hadn't met her. Even though I'm technically older than her, she has always been an elder sister to me."_

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><p>"And there you have it," Kira explained.<p>

When his dark-haired friend didn't reply, Kira added, "So, my point is, don't just make your own assumptions."

But Shuuhei had already tuned out Kira's voice. _What is this? I should be feeling happy right now…Renji is not in love with Rukia! But…why is my heart just as heavy as before?_

At the back of Shuuhei's mind, though, he knew exactly why. Even though he longed for Renji's love in return, he knew he would only be a burden to the younger man. Even if Renji was single, he still belonged in a different world. He was young—basically still a spring chicken—unlike himself, who had seen so much horror and pain in his lifetime. He had fought and lost battles, watched his good friends die in front of him and had to bear the pain and shame of failing to save them. And now he had to bear the shame of his Captain's betrayal. He would never drag Renji into his world, knowing that he could never reach Renji's. He could only love Renji from afar. Love him, but never be able to have him.

"Hisagi-kun?" Kira leaned across the table and shook Shuuhei's shoulder. Damn, he thought. I got the answer I was looking for, but doesn't look like it helped Hisagi-kun at all. He sighed. This would take a lot of patience indeed.

"Oh—" Shuuhei snapped back to reality. "Right, uhh," he mumbled, trying hard not to look too foolish in front of Kira. "Please keep this between us, okay?" He looked pleadingly at Kira. When Kira gave him a small smile and a nod, Shuuhei let out a sigh of relief.

"I can't tell him. Why burden him with my feelings when I could die in a battle any time soon? He's happy the way he is." A pause. "You know what I must do in the war. You should know, more than anyone else." He looked at Kira, his gaze filled with unspoken meaning.

Of course Kira understood what Shuuhei meant. He knew exactly what his friend intended to do in the coming war. Shuuhei would confront Tousen, which would most likely lead to a battle to the death. And he knew, too, that Shuuhei knew understood all too well how that battle would most likely end.

The blonde looked seriously at Shuuhei. "I won't tell you what to do. Just a word of advice, though, you're over-thinking this." He held out his hand to stop Shuuhei when the man opened his mouth to protest. "I know you just want the best for him. But you don't know, Hisagi-kun. You don't know what's the best for him. Sometimes, having _had_ something and be able to cherish it is better than never getting the chance to have it at all."

Shuuhei's shoulders sagged, and Kira's eyes softened. He wanted to help his good friend so much. But love was a private thing. He would support and listen to Shuuhei, but the last thing he wanted was to interfere directly.

"Come, Hisagi-kun, I'll get us more tea."

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><p><em>Damn that Kira<em>, Shuuhei thought grumpily as he turned to his side again. It was well past midnight and he still could not sleep a wink. Talking to Kira about Renji was a bad idea; after their talk, he hadn't been able to get the redhead off his mind for the whole night.

With another muttered curse, Shuuhei turned to the other side.

"_Shuuhei…" Renji's voice was low and husky. Shuuhei shuddered when he heard his name being called in _that_ voice. He opened his mouth to reply but a pair of warm lips cut off his words. Renji cupped Shuuhei's face and pulled him closer for the kiss. He ran his tongue along Shuuhei's lower lip and smirked when the man __uttered a soft moan in response._

_Taking advantage of Shuuhei's moment of weakness, Renji quickly flipped him around and pushed him into the pillows. Shuuhei let out a surprised yelp but was immediately silenced by Renji's lips. As the kiss deepened, Renji slowly pulled Shuuhei's robes open to reveal his muscled chest._

"_Mmmmh…" Shuuhei groaned when he felt hot hands slowly roam across his cool skin. His face felt warm and tingly, and his heart raced. Renji had moved his lips away from Shuuhei's and was now making a wet trail down Shuuhei's chest. As Renji moved, his body brushed lightly against Shuuhei's crotch, making Shuuhei shiver with anticipation. Sensing his lover's need, Renji purposely lifted himself to avoid that touch. He watched with an evil smile when Shuuhei arched his back, trying to rub himself against Renji._

"_Not so fast, senpai." Renji whispered and continued to move his kisses down towards Shuuhei's now-throbbing member. He slowly pulled aside the rest of Shuuhei's robes to expose more of his skin. When Renji finally finished tugging the clothes off, he stared hungrily at Shuuhei's proud erection. He fought the urge to take his lover right then and there. No, he was going to have fun and see how far he could push the man. He wanted to see him squirm._

"_Renji!" Shuuhei called out, snapping the redhead out of his wandering thoughts. Renji grinned and ran his fingers light along Shuuhei's shaft, bringing out another groan from the man. He leaned down and gently blew on it, then stuck out his tongue and slowly licked the underside. He tasted a faint scent of soap. Of course Shuuhei had just showered, the clean freak always refused to make out without showering. Breathing in Shuuhei's scent, Renji continued to move his tongue along the shaft, and smiled when he was rewarded with a strangled cry of pleasure._

"_Please…don't tease me!" Shuuhei gasped. His hand reached for Renji's hair, and when he finally found the soft mane he dug his fingers into it and pulled. Renji's light touches were driving him crazy. The redhead winced when he felt the hard tug on his scalp, but he simply smirked and moved his tongue to the other side of Shuuhei's erect length, continuing the excruciating slow pace._

_Shuuhei let out a frustrated growl and thrust his hips up. He was rock hard and throbbing painfully. _Fine_. If Renji wanted to just play with him, he would do it himself! So he reached for himself, but before he could wrap his fingers around it, it was suddenly enveloped in warm wetness. His growl immediately turned into a loud moan as Renji took his complete length into his mouth at once. The hand that was reaching for his crotch now grabbed the sheets. His back arched as he tried to push himself deeper into Renji's mouth._

"_Mmmph…" Renji groaned as he felt Hisagi's thrusts against the back of his throat. His groan led to an even tighter grip on his hair and he winced at the pain. If he didn't let the man have his release soon he was going to end up with a bald spot!_

_So he closed his mouth tightly around Shuuhei and sucked gently. He moved his head up, then just as he only had the tip in his mouth, he suddenly slid down and took in the entire length again. Shuuhei cried out in pleasure and gave the red mane an especially hard tug._

"_Mmmph!" Renji grunted in protest and Shuuhei let go of his hair with an apologetic chuckle. Shuuhei struggled to keep his breath steady but it was a losing battle. He could feel tightness beginning to pool in his belly and knew that he won't be able to last much longer. As if he could read Shuuhei's mind, Renji suddenly increased the pace of his movements. Shuuhei looked down at the bobbing redhead and moaned. The sight of Renji with his mouth wrapped around his length sent another shiver down to his crotch. Renji looked up at him and grinned, then he cupped Shuuhei's balls in his warm hands._

"_Renji!" Shuuhei clenched his eyes closed and yelled out as intense pleasure swept through his body. He lifted his body off the bed and held his breath as he pulsed, releasing his hot seed into the his lover's mouth. He heard wet slurps and looked down. Renji was gulping down his semen as quickly as he could, but some still dribbled down his chin, and that was the hottest thing Hisagi had ever seen._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Kurosaki Ichigo! If you dare to touch that last piece of taiyaki I will kill you!"

The orange-haired boy scoffed. "Oh ya?" He purposely hovered his hand over the taiyaki, grinning up at a fuming Renji, while Rukia looked on with a feigned bored look on her face.

"Come on, man!" Renji said, smacking Ichigo's hand away as he sat down and picked up his favorite snack. "You know I only get to eat this brand of taiyaki when I come here. I can only take so many with me when I go back to Soul Society you know."

"Ask your beloved Shuuhei-chan to buy you more," Ichigo teased, and then laughed out loud at the glare Renji shot him.

The three of them were lounging in Ichigo's bedroom. Renji had just arrived from Soul Society that morning. He had dropped by Urahara's to store away his belongings, but had immediately fled to Ichigo's to avoid being tricked into doing chores by the sly shopkeeper.

Rukia leaned over and looked at her red-haired friend. "So anything new there? I guess you chickened out again and didn't talk to him about it," she said with a smirk.

Renji sighed and leaned back against the wall. For months now, ever since Rukia's rescue and Ichigo's return to Karakura town, he had been confiding in them about his crush on his senpai, Hisagi Shuuhei. It started out subtly, but Rukia was the first one to pick up the signs—how Renji would always stare at the raven-haired Vice Captain whenever Shuuhei wasn't looking, and how he would avert his eyes immediately if anyone noticed him staring at Shuuhei, or if Shuuhei happened to look at his direction. At first he was very embarrassed about it, calling it his "weak" side. But after Rukia and Ichigo showed their support and encouragement, he finally caved and confessed.

Yes, he had a major crush on his senpai. He had harbored the crush since academy days but never thought about it seriously since he actually didn't know Shuuhei very well back then. However, after the Rukia/Aizen incident, all the Vice Captains forged a closer bond with each other as they struggled to come to terms with what had happened. Betrayed by his Captain, Shuuhei was one of the people who were affected the most. Watching Shuuhei's constant frown, Renji found himself wanting to comfort the older man, to tell him that everything will be okay and that he was not alone.

"I did chicken out…_again_," he said in a resigned voice. "He's…so out of my league. I feel like an idiot just knowing that I like him, you know? I hate how I'm not myself when it comes to _him_." Which is true. Renji was a hotheaded, straightforward person. If he didn't like you, he'd tell it to your face. If you had food stuck in your teeth, he would be the first to tell you, _loudly_.

"We've all heard that before," Ichigo rolled his eyes.

Shooting Ichigo a piercing glare, Renji said defensively, "Not everyone's as lucky as you to have someone fawn all over them like Orihime does over you, you know."

Ichigo blushed and turned away. "She does not _fawn_ over me," he said, embarrassed. He was going to say something else but a sudden loud beeping noise cut him off.

Rukia was immediately on her feet and out of her gigai. "A hollow! Ten blocks from here! Hurry!"

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><p>At the 12th squad monitoring room, Kira, Shuuhei, Matsumoto, and Ikkaku stood restlessly in front of the huge screen. Machines were beeping everywhere at irregular intervals and the room was in total chaos. The scientists in the room were all yelling and pointing at their screens but to the Vice Captains, all they were seeing were squiggly lines and random dots.<p>

Shuuhei scratched the back of his head as he waited for the lead scientist, Akon, to brief them on the situation. Much to his horror, he had woken up that morning to find a sticky patch in his crotch. Apparently his dream had been so realistic that he had ejaculated during the night. He fought to block out the images from last night's dream from his mind, but so far the effort hadn't been successful. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would see Renji's smoldering eyes staring at him while bobbing his head up and down Shuuhei's length.

Akon watched the screen with a frown. "Could it be?" he said, turning to his fellow scientist, Hiyosu. "But it has only been a month since Aizen left! Please tell me something's wrong with your monitoring algorithm."

Hiyosu held up his hands, looking bewildered. "Don't look at me! I haven't changed anything in this system for _months_!"

"So this is the hollow? Where is it headed, is there a way to find out?" Wanting to keep himself occupied with work, Shuuhei pushed himself between the two scientists. He placed both palms on Hiyosu's desk and stared at an extra large dot in the center of the screen. Apparently that dot there made Akon worried enough to call the Vice Captains to the monitoring room.

Hiyosu's fingers danced deftly over the keyboards. After a dozen more beeps or so, he looked up and turned to the 9th squad Vice Captain, his eyes wide. "Karakura, sir."

Before anyone else could react to that, the door to the lab slammed shut. Shuuhei had already flash-stepped out of the room.

"Hisagi-kun!" Kira yelled and ran after his friend, knowing exact what Shuuhei was going to do. He was right at the door when he heard Akon shout in a panicky voice.

"Shit! There's more than one!"

* * *

><p>Hopping from rooftop to rooftop, Rukia, Renji, and Ichigo made their way towards the coordinates reported by Rukia's communicator. Their faces were grim. Even from a distance away they could see the plume of smoke. They had to get to the hollow before any civilians were hurt.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Heart pounding in his chest, Shuuhei burst out of the senkai gate. _Where is it? Where is it?_ He was pumped with adrenaline and his mind was a blur of panic. Akon was usually a calm and collected person—too calm, in fact, to the point where it was annoying sometimes—so to see him actually express concern about this hollow, Shuuhei knew that this was the real deal, and that Renji and his friends were in grave danger.

He knew that Rukia's communicator would alert them of the hollow, but the communicator simply displayed the location of hollows, not their strengths. They would not know what to expect. When he thought of this, Shuuhei's chest tightened again and he flash-stepped off to the location he saw on the screen in the lab.

_Please let me get there first!_

* * *

><p>"What the hell is that thing?" Ichigo yelled, eyes wide in disbelief. "I've never seen anything this goddamn big!"<p>

The beast that towered over them not ten feet away was easily twice the size of the tallest building in Karakura town. It was mostly white, with silver-colored plates in front of its chest. Two great horn-looking things sprouted from its head and four upper limbs extended from its torso. Each of the limbs ended with mean-looking talons that looked like they could slice off buildings with one swipe. At the moment, the hollow was roaring and thrashing around a block of buildings, smashing roofs and crushing trees.

Renji cringed when the hollow let out an especially ear-splitting cry. "Is it just me or does it look like it's in pain?" The redhead had to shout to get himself heard.

"I don't know and quite frankly I don't care!" Rukia yelled, unsheathing her sword. "Let's do this, guys!"

Renji and Ichigo nodded. They had come up with a plan as they raced here. Rukia was to jump ahead and distract the hollow with blasts of ice attacks from the front. This would give Renji and Ichigo the chance—at least they hoped so—to dart to the sides of the hollow and attack from both sides together. When the hollow felt the attacks from the side, it would be distracted again and would most likely hesitate as it decided whether to defend its left or right side, and _that_ would give Rukia an opening for the final blow directly on its head.

At least, that was the plan.

Even before Rukia was half way in the air, Renji could tell that their little plan wasn't going to work. For one thing, the bloody creature had three sets of eyes, one on the front of its head, and one on either side.

"No, Rukia!" Renji screamed, and could only watch in horror as the hollow lashed out with both of its left arms in Rukia's direction. He relaxed a bit when Rukia deftly dodged the blow.

"Rukia!" Ichigo leapt up towards Rukia to give her some cover. In his hurry he didn't see the tail coming from his right—hell, they hadn't even noticed that it had a tail!

There was a loud clang of metal against metal as Ichigo blocked the attack with his blade. The tail—like the limbs—ended in sharp talons as well. If Ichigo had taken that blow, it would have put him out of commission for the rest of the fight.

With their plans scrambled, Renji darted between the hollow's feet to come up on its right side. He activated his shikai and aimed at one of the legs. "Roar, Zabimaru!" He felt the hit connect, then his eyes widened in shock when he saw Zabimaru simply grazed and bounced off the hollow's skin.

Still, that was enough to catch the creature's attention, and Renji had to immediately duck for cover as two long clawed arms swiped at him. The claws struck concrete and sent up a huge cloud of debris, showering Renji with pieces of stone and dust. Coughing, Renji winced when debris struck his face and arm. His forehead immediately began to bleed.

Renji couldn't see clearly due to the dust, but he could hear Rukia and Ichigo's grunts and yells as they fought. The hollow had not slowed down at all, and seemed to be able to counter their attacks easily. Gritting his teeth in frustration, Renji leapt up and attacked the leg again, this time using more strength than before.

As his blade connected, the hollow bellowed in anger and before Renji could react, its tail came crashing towards him. There was a burst of sparks and a curse. Renji looked up to see Ichigo holding off the talon with Zangetsu. He was gritting his teeth and looked even worse than Renji. His left sleeve was missing entirely and his left arm was bleeding profusely.

"Come on!" Ichigo cried, his arms shaking with effort. "Are you going to just stand there and watch while I do all the fighting?"

Renji growled and surged forward. With a yell, he unleashed a vicious slash at the tail, which was held back by Ichigo.

Judging by the spray of blood and roar, this time Renji's attack finally dealt some damage. "Yes!" he shouted triumphantly.

"Argh!" Rukia's sudden scream abruptly cut off Ichigo and Renji's little celebration. A splatter of blood descended from above and landed all over Ichigo. He looked at his blood-stained hands in horror, then saw Renji leap upwards to catch a falling Rukia.

Ichigo rushed over to Renji, who was now cradling Rukia gently. There was a huge gash across Rukia's chest leading up to her shoulder, but she was still conscious. "Can't…move…" she gasped, struggling to sit up. "Careful…poison…" Then she went limp in Renji's lap.

"She's still breathing," Renji said, placing his ears against Rukia's mouth. He flash-stepped away with Rukia then re-appeared next to Ichigo, alone. "She'll be safe where I put her," he reassured Ichigo. Then he straightened his back and gritted his teeth in determination. Nodding at each other, they tightened their grips on their weapons and leapt up together, determined to finish off this hollow once and for all.

* * *

><p>Shuuhei could hear the sounds of fighting as he approached the warzone. He was just in time to see Renji flash-step away with a wounded Rukia. He hissed in anger and reached for his sword.<p>

He was almost within sight of Renji and Ichigo when he heard the two of them yell in unison as they homed in on the hollow from each side. In their anger, their attacks became so much stronger that their weapons plunged deep into the hollow's body. With a quick twist of his wrist, Ichigo pulled out his blade and flash-stepped to the front of the hollow.

"This is for hurting Rukia!" he screamed and swung his sword down with all his might.

The hollow screamed in pain and went stiff. Then, with a last defiant roar, it dissipated into the wind.

Shuuhei stopped in his tracks and smiled as Renji cheered. He was still far enough from them that the two had not noticed his presence. Seeing that they're safe now, Shuuhei turned around to leave. He even felt a little sheepish for freaking out and rushing here like an idiot. What was he thinking? Surely Ichigo and Renji were powerful enough to defend themselves, he quietly chided himself.

As he was turning around, he caught a movement at the very edge of his sight, then his eyes widened in horror as the skies exploded behind Ichigo.

Ichigo yelped in surprise as a hideous head burst out right behind him. "What?" He couldn't believe his eyes. Didn't he just kill the bastard? In his confusion, his reaction time slowed and before he could dodge he felt a sting of pain in his back. Yelling out in pain, he managed to flash-step away to Renji's side.

Renji reached out to grab Ichigo, but by the time he got to his friend, the orange-haired boy had begun to sag to his knees. "Oi, Ichigo!" Renji grabbed his friend's arms. Ichigo struggled to raise his head. His eyes were glazed over and his mouth hung open as if he didn't have the strength to keep it shut. Renji gave him a shake. "Oi!"

"Poison!" was all Ichigo could gasp out before he toppled forward. He would have face-planted if not for Renji's grip on his arms. Renji felt worried and confused. Sure, Ichigo was cut, but he had seen the boy taken worse cuts than this without so much as a pause in his fights. Both Rukia and Ichigo mentioned poison before they collapsed, so Renji could only conclude that the hollow's claws were poisonous.

With both comrades down, Renji gritted his teeth and stood up, supporting Ichigo on one shoulder. Then he blinked. _No, it's not the same hollow!_ The one they just killed had silver-colored plates on its chest. The ones on this one were metallic blue, which glistened in the sun. Staring right at Renji, the hollow threw its head back and roared.

Then it charged.

* * *

><p>All this happened within a split second, and Shuuhei's breath caught in his throat when the second hollow charged towards Renji. He saw in dismay that Renji was holding on to an unconscious Ichigo, which made him pretty much unable to defend himself.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Shit.<em> That was the only thought on Renji's mind as he stared at the hollow in front of him. It was like time had stood still. Ichigo was dead weight against his left shoulder, and Renji had no way to fend off the attack without putting Ichigo at risk. All he could do now was to attempt to dodge the attack while shielding his wounded friend.

The hollow screamed and lounged forward. Renji ducked to the right, then ducked to the left as the hollow changed direction. As he jumped to duck again, Ichigo's weight shifted and he stumbled. Holding on to Ichigo, he looked back and froze. There was no way he could duck this one in time.

As he felt a shadow loom over him, Renji pulled Ichigo closer to shield him, then squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Renji blinked. _There was no pain._

Confused, he blinked again. He looked at his hands and stared in shock when he saw them covered with droplets of warm blood. _Is it my blood? _Renji thought in confusion.

It was then he heard a strained groan from above, and more blood splattered down on him. Eyes wide, he stared at the figure that that had three sharp talons stabbed through its chest and out from the back. The blood! It was from those wounds, he realized.

The hollow shattered the silence with a loud roar, and the person who was impaled gave out strangled cries of pain as he was shaken around. Renji gasped out in shock and horror when he recognized that voice. "Shuuhei!"

With Ichigo still leaning unconscious on his left shoulder, Renji gritted his teeth and tightened his grip on his sword. His mind reeled as he struggled to come up with a way to protect both of them.

"Bankai! Dai Guren Hyourinmaru!" A strong voice rang out and Renji winced as an immense gust of cold wind flew past him from behind. Pure, solid ice shaped like a dragon rose up majestically, then it crashed into the hollow, blowing it apart.

With a loud explosion, the hollow dissipated. Now free from the claws, Shuuhei let out another strangled cry as he fell from the sky. Renji was immediately there to catch him, still supporting Ichigo with his left hand.

With both hands now full, Renji stared down at the badly wounded 9th squad Vice Captain. _Why can't I see him clearly?_ Renji thought as tears stung his eyes. Even through his blurry vision, Shuuhei was a horrible sight. Three huge jagged holes riddled his chest—his shinigami uniform was shredded around the edges of the wounds and mingled with the torn tissue. Blood pumped out from the wounds at a slow rhythm, and Renji realized with dismay that the rhythm was Shuuhei's heartbeat. His life was literally bleeding out of him.

"Shuuhei!" Renji cried, cradling the injured man. Shuuhei's eyes were half-closed but he was still conscious, though just barely so. As he took in ragged breaths, fresh blood bubbled up from his mouth and dribbled down his chin. Renji had seen and bore many injuries, but none as grave as this.

"Abarai!" A gruff, but obviously still young, voice snapped him out of his haze. "What are you waiting for? Get him to Urahara's! NOW!"

* * *

><p>Renji paced restlessly in front of the closed doors. His nails had been bitten down to his flesh, yet he didn't feel any pain as he continued to chew on them. His heart was up in his throat, throbbing painfully with every passing second. His own wounds were forgotten.<p>

"Abarai, you're just distracting the healers," Hitsugaya Toushirou said firmly but gently. "You should sit down and get your wounds tended to."

Renji turned around and stared at the 10th squad captain. Hitsugaya took one look at the red-rimmed eyes and knew his words had fallen on deaf ears. Let him be, he told himself with a heavy heart. _Before the pain of losing a friend crushes him_.

After seemingly forever, the door slid open soundlessly. Renji immediately sprang to the opening. Urahara Kisuke stepped out from the room, followed by Yamada Hanatarou and Inoue Orihime.

Renji's heart sank when Urahara looked at him with a grim look on his face. The shopkeeper was usually a jolly fellow, but when things got serious, he would look exactly like _that_.

"He's unconscious now," Urahara said softly while sliding the door closed. "We almost lost him. But thanks to Inoue-san, he's still breathing. If he survives the night, he will live."

"_If_ he survives the night?" Renji was immediately in Urahara's face. The shopkeeper grimaced and took a step back.

"Yes, I said _if_. It's still touch-and-go for him, we've done all we could." Urahara pulled his hat lower, completely hiding his sad eyes. "He was nearly cut in half, Abarai-kun. If he were just a tad weaker, he would've died immediately."

Renji sucked in his breath when he heard that. Even though Urahara didn't say it outright, but somehow he knew the shopkeeper meant that if _Renji_ had been the one who took that blow, he would have died. Normally that would have provoked him into a fight, but right now he could only look numbly at the shopkeeper.

"Have faith, Abarai-kun," Urahara gave the redhead's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "In the meantime you might want to check on your good friend Kurosaki-kun. I think he has plenty to say to you."

"Ichigo! Rukia!" Renji gasped. He immediately mentally kicked himself. He had completely forgotten about his other injured friends. His face burned with shame as he quickly made his way to Ichigo's room.

When Renji was far enough not to notice, Urahara gave Hitsugaya a somber look. Hitsugaya shook his head slowly and sighed. There would be no sleep for anyone tonight.

* * *

><p>Rukia held tightly onto Renji's shaking hands. She was the one in physical pain, but she could see that her pain—or Ichigo and hers combined for that matter—was nothing compared to what her childhood friend was feeling.<p>

"Renji…" Rukia gave his hands another squeeze. It had been half an hour since Renji came to check on her and Ichigo. He had looked stricken with worry, grief, and guilt. And when he threw his arms around Rukia she felt like she was going to be crushed into pieces. Her chest and shoulder screamed in pain but she held onto Renji.

To her right, Ichigo was in deep sleep, lying on his front to avoid putting pressure on his massive back wound. They were both still really weak even though Hanatarou had done an amazing job at extracting the poison from their bodies. As it turned out, the poison from the hollow was essentially a very condensed dose of sleeping pills, designed to knock his victims out immediately. Rukia felt exhausted to her bones, but she refrained herself from yawning. Renji needed her.

He hadn't said a word since he entered the room. But they had known each other for so long that no words were necessary when their eyes could say it all. Shuuhei must be gravely wounded and it was possible that he could still succumb to his wounds. Earlier, she had heard the panick-strickened voices from the next room when Hanatarou and Orihime were tending to the injured Vice Captain. She didn't want to be rude, but it sounded like they didn't know what to do. And that was perhaps not far from the truth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Dinnertime came and went. Nobody really ate anything. Food was served but everyone just held onto their bowls silently, staring silently at their feet, their bowls, the ceiling…anywhere but each other's faces. The only sound that could be heard was the gentle gurgling of the water being boiled for tea.

As Tessai went around to collect dishes—blatantly ignoring the fact that the bowls were still full—the front door of Urahara Shoten slid open. Kira Izuru and Matsumoto Rangiku stepped inside. They had heard about the situation and decided to provide mental support, to pray for Shuuhei's life together.

Kira's eyes darted around and settled on a fiery mane of red hair away from the crowd. Renji was sitting outside of Shuuhei's room, his knees drawn close to his chest, his head buried in his folded arms. Kira drew in a breath. So much for Shuuhei's assumptions, he thought. He had suspected that Renji also held feelings for his best friend, but Renji hadn't shown any obvious signs to confirm his suspicions. Right now, though, it was clear as day that Abarai Renji felt as strongly for his best friend—if not more—as his best friend felt for Renji. Kira's chest ached for both of his friends. _Please don't let it be too late._

* * *

><p>"Renji." Renji looked up into the concerned face of Kira Izuru. He moved slightly to the side as Kira sat down next to him. "He has a strong will to live," Kira said softly. Renji offered a weak smile in return.<p>

It was now well into the night. So far Shuuhei had not taken a turn for the worse, but did not show any signs of improvement either. That in itself was a comforting thought. Nobody had slept, although most stayed in the living room, leaving the hallway clear for Hanatarou and Orihime. Well, and for Renji. Everyone had noticed that Renji was especially affected by Shuuhei's situation. They noticed, and sympathized.

"You know," Kira said, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but…given the circumstances, I feel that I should say something."

Renji kept silent, but he turned and looked at Kira.

"Have you ever noticed, " Kira continued, still staring at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. "Have you ever noticed recently that…someone…was acting differently around you?"

"Huh?" Renji said in confusion. _What does this have to do with anything?_

Kira kept his eyes glued to the ceiling.

_What the hell was so interesting up there_? Renji thought. "Well, no," Renji said. "Why?"

Kira finally tore his eyes away and turned to look at Renji. He had struggled for hours with this decision to tell Renji about how Shuuhei felt about him. If Shuuhei died tonight, at least Renji would have the chance to part with him knowing the truth. But if Shuuhei survived the night—which he hoped fervently that he would—Shuuhei would never forgive him for spilling his secret.

"Hisagi-kun loves you." Kira decided to simply get straight to the point. His eyes focused on Renji's face as he spoke.

The redhead's mouth fell open in surprise.

"He would kill me if he could right now, if he were to hear this conversation." Despite the situation, Kira gave a small smile. "But I know it could be now or never. I just really want you to know…that you mean a lot to Hisagi-kun. He has his own reasons for not telling you. I personally don't agree with his reasons, but that's his choice. However, seeing that he may not get the chance to tell you in person—"

Before he could finish the sentence, Kira found himself lying face-up on the ground. He immediately tasted blood in his mouth. Renji stood above him, a fist raised, his mouth held in a snarl. Kira winced.

"He _will_!" Renji said fiercely but kept his voice low. His eyes bored down on Kira's. "_Please_…" His voice cracked. "Please don't say it like…like…" He paused and stared at his feet. Then with a look of apology, he held out his hand to pull Kira up on his feet.

"You're right," Kira said, squeezing Renji's hand. "I'm very sorry." The two men stood facing each other, both feeling kind of embarrassed and awkward.

Renji gave a low cough. "So, you were saying…"

Kira gestured for Renji to sit. "As you know, Hisagi-kun is a quiet and private person," he began. "He doesn't let things get to him, and he hides his emotions very well. You saw it yourself, after Captain Tosen's betrayal, he was the first to pull himself together, and he has been both the Captain _and_ Vice Captain for the 9th squad since then."

Renji nodded.

"But his feelings for you…it's strong enough to make him crack," Kira continued. "I noticed it, and asked him about it."

"Was he going to tell me?" Renji wanted to know.

Kira sighed. "That's the frustrating part. He thinks his feelings for you would be a burden to you. He didn't want to _drag you down into his world_, as he put it."

"What the…" Renji muttered. He shifted his legs aside to let Hanatarou pass. It was time for the healer to check up on Hisagi again.

Kira then told Renji about how Hisagi had rushed to Karakura when the Research Division warned them about the hollows. "He didn't hear the part about…about how there's more than one of them. And well, you know the rest."

At this, Renji gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. "He almost died protecting me today. He cares for me so much but yet he doesn't want to tell me…why?"

Right at that moment Hisagi's door burst open and Hanatarou ran out looking very pale. "Inoue-san! Help!"

"Wha—" Renji jumped to his feet and stumbled back into the wall as Orihime rushed into the room with Urahara in tow. Then the door slid shut again. Muted whispers echoed in the long hallway as Renji stared at the door. Hanatarou sounded downright hysterical.

Kira and Renji exchanged a worried look. Renji had always thought that Kira looked sickly with his pale complexion, but now Kira looked frighteningly grey in the face. Renji felt his own heart in his throat and his heartbeat pounded painfully in his temples.

After what seemed like hours—it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes really—the three of them came out of the room. Urahara looked at Renji through the shadow of his hat, his face unusually grim. Orihime, who always wore her emotions on her sleeves, was fighting hard to choke back sobs, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No, no no no no!" Renji heard himself scream although he didn't remember doing so. He was immediately pushed back against the wall by a pair of strong arms. He swung his arms and legs around blindly, trying to fight off Kira, who was restraining him.

Tugging on his hat, Urahara turned around and spoke. "It is most unfortunate, but Hisagi-san's heart stopped just now—" Raising his hand to silence his audience, he continued, "But Inoue-san and Yamada-san managed to revive him…for now." He sighed sadly. "Anyone who wish to bid a final goodbye should do so now."

At that, Renji sobbed out loud and fell limp into Kira's arms. Kira glanced at Urahara, who immediately stepped aside. Keeping a firm grip on Renji, Kira led the redhead into the room. The rest of the shinigamis in the living room stared silently after them.

* * *

><p>Shuuhei was lying on a mattress in the middle of the room. His chest had been heavily bandaged. The bandages looked fresh, but already bright blood was seeping through from his wounds. His normally olive-colored face looked ashen and gaunt, and strands of damp hair lay plastered on his forehead.<p>

Kira winced as he took in the battered form of his best friend.

Renji broke away from Kira's hold and knelt down next to the injured man's head. Staring at Shuuhei's face, fresh tears sprung from his already-swollen eyes. He leaned over and gently brushed some strands of hair away from Shuuhei's eyes.

Watching his two friends like this was heart wrenching, Kira thought. Suddenly feeling like an intruder, he slowly backed away and exited the room, leaving Renji alone with his dying friend.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Renji said in a whisper, sadness filling his voice. His shoulders sagged even as he clenched his fists at his sides. "Why? Why hide it from me?"

Knowing that Shuuhei felt this way about him brought Renji fresh pain. If one of them—_oh why didn't he have enough guts_—had told the other, things would have been completely different. Even if there were no guarantee that either of them would survive the coming war, at least there would have been _something_ they could cherish while they were still _here_. But now…now it was too late.

At that thought, Renji sobbed out loud again and grabbed Shuuhei's hand. Even unconscious, the dark-haired man had a frown on his face and his jaw was tight, looking as if he was fighting off pain. Before Renji realized what he was doing, he bent over and kissed Shuuhei's forehead, then his eyes, as if he could kiss away the pain. After a brief moment of hesitation, he moved his lips to Shuuhei's. His heart raced as he gently brushed his lips against Shuuhei's, feeling the roughness from the chapped lips. He let his lips linger there for a while as more tears fell from his eyes. Droplets of tears landed on Shuuhei's cheeks and slowly ran down his face.

Just then, he heard an almost-inaudible moan. If Renji's head hadn't been just an inch from Hisagi's mouth, he would never have heard it. His eyes widened. "Shuuhei?"

Pulling back, Renji stared at Shuuhei's face. It was as before, his expression had not changed—the frown was still there, eyes still completely closed. Narrowing his eyes, Renji lowered his head and placed his ears at Shuuhei's mouth, straining to catch any more sounds from those lips. "Shuuhei? Are you awake?"

Just as he was about to dismiss it as wishful thinking, another low moan escaped from Shuuhei. "Shuuhei! Senpai!" Renji yelled as he tried to stand, only to land painfully on his rear when his feet slipped in his panic. His shouts brought Urahara and the others bursting into the room. Then, he was yanked away as the healers crowded around Shuuhei.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"It's a miracle," Urahara said for the tenth time that night. He glanced at Renji, who was sitting across the table. The redhead couldn't stop fidgeting; all he wanted to do was to go to Shuuhei, to make sure that he was really going to live. Urahara had reassured everyone that the injured Vice Captain managed to pull through. He was still heavily wounded of course, but given enough time and care, he would eventually recover.

"What did you do in there?" Matsumoto wondered out loud, looking at Renji. Like the others, she was relieved that her drinking buddy was going to be okay. "Did you like, kiss him like Prince Charming or something?"

Renji cringed inside. Matsumoto had no idea how close she was to the truth. On hindsight Renji felt disgusted with himself—he had kissed the unconscious man! It did seem like Shuuhei's _miracle_—as Urahara put it—was triggered by his kiss, but Renji couldn't help kicking himself mentally for doing something so low. He had taken advantage of the very person he loved, and he couldn't forgive himself for that.

It was now 2 hours after Shuuhei's abrupt awakening. Well, to call it _awakening_ was stretching it. He had yet to open his eyes, but had stirred and grunted in pain when Hanatarou examined him. The little healer said those were promising signs, and that it was only a matter of time when Shuuhei would fully come around.

Renji felt something like giddiness in his chest. Shuuhei was going to be okay! He couldn't wait to confess his feelings personally. He had been given a second chance! He would not waste it by continuing to keep his feelings to himself. Well, he mentally corrected himself with a small smile, other than Ichigo and Rukia anyway.

Ichigo had woken up from his deep sleep just an hour ago, complaining that all the noise in the house was keeping him from resting. But he couldn't hide his cheerful grin. He had heard the good news about Hisagi from Rukia. And Rukia, of course, was beside herself with relief, both for Shuhhei _and_ for her childhood friend.

* * *

><p>Shuuhei woke up with a start. <em>Renji! <em>Then he looked around in confusion. _Was it a nightmare? _His first instinct was to get up, but the sudden intense pain in his chest left him gasping for breath. Looking down, he touched the bloodied bandages.

_The hollow_.

He struggled to get up again. _Was Renji okay?_ He only remembered rushing towards Renji, but what happened after that? His mind pulled a blank. Another burst of pain made him see stars, and he slumped back in defeat. He was clearly in a room and obviously had been well cared for. _But where on earth is this?_

He opened his mouth to call out, but all he managed was a hoarse croak. _Geez I must've gotten it real bad._ Just as he struggled to call out again, the door opened and a familiar figure came in, tray in hand.

"Hisagi-san! How are you feeling?" Hanatarou greeted him with a cheerful smile. Based on the heavy eye bags and red-rimmed eyes, Shuuhei could only guess at what Hanatarou had endured to heal him.

"Shuuhei!" Shuuhei heard a familiar voice. He strained to look towards the door. There, standing right at the entrance was a tall, broad-shouldered man. His long crimson hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, partially held in place by a dirty-looking white bandana. The eyes that looked right at Shuuhei shone with relief and happiness.

_He's okay! He's alive!_ Shuuhei screamed inside. He wanted to reach out to Renji but all he could manage was a weak twitch in his hand.

"You shouldn't move, Hisagi-san," Hanatarou admonished gently as he gingerly peeled off some bandages to replace them with fresh ones. Blood had finally stopped seeping through the bandages, but the young healer knew that Shuuhei had lost a lot of blood. Just a little more and the 9th squad Vice Captain would not have survived.

* * *

><p>Renji stayed at the door and waited for Hanatarou to finish treating Shuuhei. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, beating so quickly that he thought he was going to have a heart attack. But this time it was with joy and nervousness. <em>Shuuhei is awake! He's alive!<em>

His gaze darted between Hanatarou and Shuuhei. Now and then he would see Shuuhei wince when Hanatarou touched the skin near his wound, but he simply grinded his teeth and bore the pain silently.

When Hanatarou was finally done, Renji slowly made his way to Shuuhei. All of a sudden, he felt self-conscious. He didn't know where to place his hands, where he should sit, god he didn't even know whether to look at Hisagi's face or wounds. So in the end he stared at his own knees as he knelt down next to Hisagi.

"Shuuhei." Renji didn't know where to start; there was so much he wanted to say. He cleared his throat and saw Shuuhei look at him questioningly. "I'm glad you made it." He said finally, and cringed inside when he heard the slight tremble in his own voice. _Damn it Renji! You can do this without sounding like a schoolgirl!_

He cleared his throat again, then stared into Shuuhei's eyes. Those eyes were bright even as they conveyed exhaustion. Shuuhei made an attempt at raising an eyebrow, only to grimace in pain.

"I…" Renji gritted his teeth. His fists gripped his robes tightly. "I was so afraid that I've lost you! You're hurt because of me. Heck you nearly died because of me! And I…I was so weak…there was nothing I could do…" His voice started to crack, and he kicked himself again for sounding so lame. _I can do this, I can do this!_

Taking a deep breath, he suddenly grasped Shuuhei's hand in his own. "I'm so glad you're alive! Because…because…I would kill myself if you were to die without hearing that I love you!" _There, I did it. I finally said it!_

He kept his gaze steady, looking right at Shuuhei's face, searching for a smile. His own smile faltered a bit when he saw Shuuhei's eyes suddenly darken. The hand he was holding attempted to pull away but didn't because the owner did not have the strength. But the slight movement was enough to make Renji let go.

"Shuuhei?"

* * *

><p>Shuuhei was shocked. On one hand his heart swelled as he realized that Renji felt the same for him, but on the other a loud voice in his mind reminded him not to drag Renji down with him. He should not—<em>must<em> not—give Renji this burden, the burden of loving someone who would die soon. Why make him invest his emotions on something that would not last?

He struggled to speak. He needed to tell Renji that Renji shouldn't feel this way about him. But for the life of him he could not make a sound. His mind screamed but his throat was so dry and tight that he could not say anything.

_Why would Renji suddenly say this? Was it because I almost died? Was it because he was simply grateful that I saved him?_

As Shuuhei's mind reeled, Renji reached for his hand again. The redhead's eyes were soft and full of concern. He didn't understand why Shuuhei tried to pull away—maybe it was just a muscle spasm? After hearing what Kira told him, he felt confident that his senpai loved him. And he most certainly would show Shuuhei that he felt the same.

Shuuhei tensed as he felt his hand being wrapped in the warmth of Renji's hands. _I must say something! I can't lead him on like this! _Shuuhei screamed to himself, desperately trying to speak only to fail again. His breath quickened from his efforts and he sank back into the pillow, exhausted and defeated.

"What's wrong, Shuuhei?" Renji leaned over. Shuuhei held his breath. His love was so close, just a few inches away from his face. Then he froze when Renji planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

"You should sleep." Shuuhei looked on numbly as Renji let go of his hand to drape a blanket across his body. He was immediately enveloped in the softness and warmth of the fabric. He let loose a sigh, partly because of the comfort from the blanket, and partly from the frustration of not being able to talk to Renji.

He tensed again when Renji leaned down to touch his hair. The fingers trailed gently down his cheek, then along his chin. He stared up at Renji and saw only happiness and contentment in the redhead's eyes. His heart fluttered. _Is this what it feels like? To be loved by him?_ Then he caught himself. He must not lead Renji on further, he needed Renji out of the room _right now_. So he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes, hoping that Renji would take it as a sign to leave.

He felt Renji give him a gentle pat on his arm, and then to his relief, Renji stood up and left.

* * *

><p>Kira and Renji sat in the dining room, each nursing a cup of hot tea. The rest had retired to their rooms to sleep.<p>

"He seems distant," Renji said, sounding worried. He had told Shuuhei that he loved him, but instead of seeing happiness in the older man's eyes, he saw nothing of that sort. If anything, Shuuhei seemed almost cold to him.

Kira glanced at him. "What do you mean?"

Renji shrugged, tracing his finger around the edge of his teacup. "I guess I was expecting a warmer welcome, or something. I mean, I know he's weak right now, but hell, I just confessed my love to him and all he did was stare blankly at me."

Kira blanched. He should have known that Shuuhei would not make this easy. In his mind he had hoped that his best friend would simply be overjoyed to learn that Renji loved him, and in his ideal, imaginary world, his two friends would then live happily ever after…till death do them part. _Shit, now what have I done?_ Based on Shuuhei's reaction now, Kira guessed that he would proceed to reject Renji. How and to what extent, he didn't know, but the end result was certain. Renji would be hurt. _Crap, now what? Hisagi!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

After three days of rest, Shuuhei finally felt well enough to begin speaking. The past three days had been torture to him. Not physically—under Orihime and Hanatarou's amazing care, he actually felt surprisingly little pain—but watching Renji care for him happily nearly drove him crazy.

Every day, Renji was by his side whenever he woke up. He would just be sitting there, smiling encouragingly at Shuuhei. During mealtimes Renji insisted on feeding him instead of having Hanatarou do it. He couldn't believe how gentle Renji could be—the usually loud and rough Renji was nowhere to be found. He had patiently fed Shuuhei, spoonful by spoonful. On the first day Shuuhei was so weak that he couldn't control the muscles on his face well. Soup would dribble from his mouth, and as his face burned with shame, Renji would quietly wipe his mouth, his touch so careful and loving that Shuuhei's heart ached. He ached because of what he had to do to Renji. He wanted Renji so much, and wished he could live on like this with Renji, but…

That morning, Shuuhei decided it was time. He waited until Hanatarou had left the room, then he looked over at Renji. The redhead was kneeling by his side as usual. Now, he looked expectantly as Shuuhei cleared his throat.

"Renji," Shuuhei began. He paused to gather his courage. "Thank you for looking after me these few days."

"You would do the same for me," Renji said, grinning. Before Shuuhei could react, Renji grasped his hand and held it. "I've been looking forward to hearing your voice again, Shuuhei."

Fighting down a sudden rush of nausea, Shuuhei gently pulled his hand away. He cleared his throat again. "I really appreciate your care, but I think we have a misunderstanding." His heart cracked when he saw Renji's face turn pale, fear and confusion clear in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Renji whispered.

"I fear that I don't…" Shuuhei closed his eyes. "I fear that I don't…feel the same way. I…I like you, as…as a friend."

Then there was absolute silence.

* * *

><p>Renji couldn't comprehend what he had just heard. He sat there, staring at Shuuhei with his mouth wide open, willing his brain to process the words again.<p>

"You _like_ me? As a friend?" He whispered, pain clear in his voice. "But—"

Shuuhei looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, Renji. I tried to tell you, but I was too weak to speak. I really didn't mean to…to give you the wrong impression."

Renji felt his face burn in embarrassment. "But Kira—"

Shuuhei sighed. Now he understood why Renji had acted this way. He fumed inside. Kira…how _dare_ he! Not only had he betrayed Shuuhei's trust, now he had ruined Shuuhei's friendship with Renji, the only precious thing he had with the one he loved. _Damn that Kira!_

"Kira…he…he misunderstood," Shuuhei said, making a supreme effort at keeping his voice steady. "I'm sorry that he led you to believe this. I apologize on his behalf." He took in a deep breath in order to keep his heart from seizing up. This was so painful! But he had to do this—he _had _to. He needed to do this now before Renji sank too deep into his emotions. This was the only way he could protect Renji from even worse pain down the road.

"I'm sorry too, then," Renji said, fighting to keep his back straight and his chin up. To say he was hurt was an understatement. He felt as if he had been punched in the chest. No, punched _through_, then had his heart wrenched out. The euphoria he had felt for the past three days suddenly crumbled. He felt tears springing to his eyes, but he forced them down and stood up. He thought back to his own actions in the past three days and his face burned even more, he had bared his heart and soul to Shuuhei and now he was being told that it was all a misunderstanding on his part! He gave an awkward bow and quickly turned around and exited the room.

Renji stumbled to his room blindly. Once he was inside, he slumped against the wall and took in ragged gasps. The tears he fought to keep in now flowed against his will. He gritted his teeth in an effort to stop himself from sobbing out loud. In the past couple of days he had actually begun to think of what he and Shuuhei would do once they get back to Soul Society…long walks together along the river, making love on his bed, waking up with Shuuhei next to him every morning… All of that…gone, just like that.

The redhead cursed himself for being so gullible, for believing Kira so easily. _Of course_ Kira could be wrong—he had said that Shuuhei was good at hiding his thoughts after all, but he had wanted to believe it so badly that he didn't give a second thought. And now he had gone and made a fool of himself. How was he going to face Shuuhei in the future?

_I like you…as a friend._ Hisagi's voice lingered in Renji's ears. _Like_. Renji felt like crying and laughing at the same time. He had enough love for Shuuhei to last several lifetimes but all Shuuhei felt for him was…"_like_"…as a friend. Feelings of utter humiliation and the blow to his pride suddenly became too much; finally sobbing, he slowly slid to the floor. He couldn't hold it in anymore.

* * *

><p>"You did what?" Kira stared at Shuuhei, his heart racing in anger.<p>

Shuuhei frowned and stared back defiantly. "You dare question me after betraying my trust?" He had asked for Kira immediately after Renji left. "I trusted you to keep it to yourself!"

"You were dying, Shuuhei!" Kira raised his voice. In his anger, he subconsciously dropped his usual formality and used Shuuhei's given name. The normally calm and quiet—some called him _brooding_—3rd squad Vice Captain could hardly contain his disbelief and anger. "You told him I _misunderstood_? Do you know how much you've humiliated him?"

"Oh, and whose fault is it?" Shuuhei retorted coldly.

"I can't believe this!" Kira flung his hands in the air, anger flashing in his eyes. "It's one thing to tell him that you can't be with him but to completely deny your feelings for him? To lead him to believe that everything I told him was not true and that it's all in his head? How dare _you_?" He could only imagine what Renji was feeling right now. His own feeling of guilt for spilling Shuuhei's secret had now been completely replaced by sheer anger towards his dark-haired friend.

Shuuhei kept quiet. Renji's anguished face flashed in his mind. The way the happy smile fell suddenly, the disappointment in Renji's eyes…it was nearly too much to bear. _It's for Renji's protection_, he reminded himself. But even so, he was beginning to doubt his own reasoning. To his surprise, the more he defended himself against Kira, the less conviction he felt. Was this really worth it? Once again he saw Renji's face in his mind, and his heart clenched.

He shot Kira a sideways glance while pretending to look aloof. His best friend's blond hair covered half of his face as usual, but the eye that was not covered pierced him with an icy glare. He had never seen Kira so angry. Even when Kira found out that Captain Ichimaru had betrayed him, his reaction was to collapse inward and blame himself instead of directing his anger towards his traitorous captain. Now, however, Kira's shoulder was trembling slightly from his effort to hold himself together, to not lash out completely at his injured friend.

To cover his own insecurity, Shuuhei feigned coldness and said in an arrogant monotone, "I did not put Renji in this position—you did. If you had kept your mouth shut he would not have to be hurt like this." But even as he said so, he felt his heart falter a bit.

"You think you love him?" Kira's voice was low, but it was laced with distaste. "And yet you're willing to put him through this pain. You have no right, _no fucking right_, to say that you love him." Kira stood up, his eyes locked on Shuuhei's. "You don't know shit about love, Shuuhei." He spat. What that, he turned around and stormed off, leaving Shuuhei alone.

Stunned, Shuuhei stared at the door. He had never heard Kira cuss before. Hell, he was the most polite person Shuuhei had ever met. But that look—that look of complete disgust—that Kira shot him right before he turned around shook Shuuhei to the core. Self-doubt rose again in his mind, and he shook his head, literally, in an attempt to convince himself that he was doing it for Renji's own good. Somehow this time, his inner voice sounded quite…lame.

* * *

><p>Rukia looked sadly at her childhood friend, who was sitting in the living room chatting cheerfully with Urahara. <em>Too<em> cheerfully—Rukia could see through the forced smile on Renji's face. Renji—hot-blooded, stubborn, blunt—was not one who was used to hiding his emotions. Right now, with dark circles under his eyes and an unnaturally wide smile on his face, any fool could see that Abarai Renji was trying to put on a front, and was failing miserably. Something must have happened between him and Shuuhei, but he had refused to talk about it when Rukia asked him earlier.

Just as she had decided confront Shuuhei herself, Kira pulled her and Ichigo aside and told them everything. The blond-haired man was worried about Renji. He had tried to talk to the Renji earlier, but the redhead just skillfully changed the subject. He didn't direct any anger towards Kira, but there was a certain unspoken awkwardness between the two men, so Kira decided not to press it. So instead, he turned to Renji's two closest friends; they should know about what happened so that they could prevent the man from doing anything stupid.

Rukia's blood boiled as she listened. Kira had to restrain her from bolting into Shuuhei's room. "Now's not the time," Kira warned.

"But we have to do _something_!" Rukia hissed. Ichigo's eyes were also narrowed in anger. He didn't know Shuuhei very well, but he had always thought well of the 9th squal Vice Captain. But now Ichigo felt like he could strangle the man, to hell with his injuries.

"I _did_ do something—I told Renji," Kira said sadly. "I thought I was doing them both a favor and look at what's happened."

"It's not your fault," Ichigo said. There was a long pause as nobody said anything, then he glanced evilly to the side at Urahara as he pondered something. "I have an idea…"

* * *

><p>"Pick a dress?" Renji sounded bewildered. "What the hell made you think that I would know how to pick a dress?"<p>

Rukia rolled her eyes and whined, "C'mon Renji! I can't make up my mind, I need your opinion!" Then she opened her eyes and blinked innocently up at Renji. "Or do you think I look ugly in dresses?"

"Woah—" Renji threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay, I'll go! I'll go!"

Rukia grinned and immediately pushed her friend out the door. "We're leaving now! Don't forget to wait for us for dinner!" She sang.

Inside Urahara' house, Ichigo cringed while Kira facepalmed. "I don't think she'll be winning any Best Actress awards any time soon…" Kira commented with a groan.

Ichigo chuckled. "Well, time for us to do our part…"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Inside his room, Shuuhei was staring up at the ceiling. His wounds were healing at an amazing rate—_how was Hanatarou only a 7__th__ seat_ _by the way? Surely he deserved to be at least a 3__rd__!_ His mental state, however, was falling apart. Ever since that talk with Renji, the redhead had stopped visiting him. At least Kira had seen him again once, although he was colder than usual and didn't say much. Still, that was enough to show that his blond friend cared. Whereas Renji…

He shook his head. What could he had expected? After his cruel words, he had no right to expect anything from Renji. His heart clenched as the man's pained face flashed across his eyes again. After Kira's harsh words the other day, Shuuhei had been feeling more and more like an asshole. Kira was right. There were so many other options that he could've taken to handle the situation. But he had chosen the worst, and now he had not only ruined his friendship with Renji, he had also crushed Renji's heart.

With a sigh, he draped an arm over his eyes. He needed to see Renji, badly. But he was still too weak to get up, so he simply had to wait.

He was about to get a quick shut-eye when he suddenly heard a loud yell from somewhere in the house, followed by hurried footsteps down the hallway. _Another attack?_

He struggled to get up but all he managed was to roll over to his side and prop himself up on one elbow. Even that small movement left him panting in pain and exhaustion. _Damn it! Why was he so weak?_

Now the house was silent. It was as if the commotion just a minute ago never happened. Confused and frustrated at being left in the dark, Shuuhei yelled for Hanatarou. He had grown fond of the little medic, whom, despite of his clumsiness and constant state of nervousness, was actually extremely good at his job and had the kindest heart Shuuhei had ever known.

The silence was shattered suddenly by a loud wail. _What the hell is going on?_ He pounded the floor in frustration. It sounded like something bad was happening outside and he couldn't do a single thing. _Fuck!_

Suddenly, the door to his room burst open with a loud bang, revealing Urahara and Tessai who were carrying a heavily wrapped bundle. Ururu slipped into the room in a hurry and rolled out another thin mattress on the floor next to Shuuhei.

"Careful now," Urahara said softly as he and Tessai slowly lowered the bundle onto the mattress. Hanatarou and Orihime entered the room then, both looking grim.

Shuuhei craned his neck to get a better view but he was blocked by Tessai's large form. Based on the size of the bundle and the way Urahara was handling it, he guessed that it was a person. His heart skipped a beat at that thought—was someone hurt? Were they hit with another hollow attack? He wanted to ask what was going on, but a look at Urahara's knitted brow shut him up. Now was not the time to distract them.

Tessai gingerly unwrapped the bundle—now Shuuhei could tell that it was actually made up of several layers of shinigami robes. He gasped in shock when a piece of fabric landed on the mat with a wet thud. The cloth was stained with bright blood…a _lot _of it.

"How is he?" Shuuhei turned to see Ichigo standing at the doorway, his face pale and sweaty. His robes were in disarray and there were tears in several places. "Is he going to be okay?" Ichigo asked, his voice thick with worry.

"Hey…" Shuuhei said, feeling alarmed. "What's going on? Who's hurt?" To his dismay, he was completely ignored.

Tessai finished disrobing the prone figure, but _damnit,_ his body was still blocking Shuuhei's view. Orihime knelt down on the other side and a pale orange shield appeared to cover the person. As the shield hummed, Tessai finally moved aside.

Red hair. Shuuhei's breath caught in his throat as he finally got a glimpse of the figure lying on the mattress. "No!" Forgetting his own wounds, Shuuhei lifted himself up. He felt his wound rip open and he fell to the floor with a cry of pain. "No no no!" Despite the immense pain, he dragged himself towards the other mattress. He felt wetness spread on his chest and knew that he was bleeding again, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was to get closer to Renji.

He felt strong arms grab hold of him suddenly. By instinct, he shrug off the arms but in his weakened state, he could not free himself.

"You're re-opening your wounds, Hisagi-san." Urahara's cool voice came from behind. The shopkeeper had a firm grip on Shuuhei's arms.

"Renji!" Shuuhei choked out. Straining against Urahara's hands, he pushed himself up. Then his breath stopped when he finally got a good look at the injured man.

Renji's eyes were closed, his fiery red mane loose around his head. His upper body was bare, his tattoos contrasted sharply with the unusually pale skin, and there was a large gash from his left shoulder all the way across to his right hip. The wound was so deep that Shuuhei could see torn muscle and bits of bone underneath. And then there was blood…_so much blood!_

When he felt like his chest was going to burst, Shuuhei remembered to breathe again, but he could only take in ragged gasps. His mind had gone completely blank; he was at a loss of what to say. He could only stare at the mangled body in front of him, unblinking. His eyes took in the sight but his brain refused to process it, refused to believe it.

"Nooo…no no no no!" When he was finally able to move his body, Shuuhei's head fell to the floor with a thud, and he pounded his right fist on the floor over and over again, repeating that single word like it was the word he knew.

With a soft hum, Orihime's healing shield expanded to include Hisagi. As he felt his pain lessen, Shuuhei raised his tear-stained face. "Is he…" he whispered to the orange-haired girl. "…dead?"

"Hisagi-kun, I can heal but I can't bring back the dead," Orihime gently reminded him. "He's very badly wounded, I'm trying my best…"

"Then heal him! Don't waste your energy on me! Please!" Shuuhei screamed. "Please! Save him!" His voice gave way to sobs at the end; his usually cool exterior had completely shattered. The 9th squad Vice Captain, who was always so composed, had completely lost control.

"Renji! What have I done? Oh god what have I done? All those things I said…oh god, oh god…" Shuuhei gasped, remembering his last conversation with Renji. Renji's wounded look, his sudden crumble of happiness, it all flashed in his mind and he fell limp on the floor. "Oh god, Renji, oh god…I didn't mean it! I didn't mean all that!" Hisagi rambled.

He kept on mumbling the same thing for a while. Then as his voice became hoarse, he whispered softly, "Why didn't I tell you…I should have told you…"

"Should have told me what?" A familiar voice rang from the door.

* * *

><p>Renji had been standing at the door for the past few minutes.<p>

He thought back of Rukia's odd expression when she took a call just as they entered the third dress store. After she hung up she had immediately dragged him out of the store, ignoring his protests and questions. He soon found himself back in Urahara's shop, and when he heard Shuuhei's screams his pulse quickened. _No! Did Shuuhei get worse? _In a panic he flash-stepped to the room and was immediately taken aback at the sight that greeted him.

He feet stayed rooted to the ground as he watched the raven-haired man cry out him name over and over again, his voice filled with so much pain that it shook Renji to the core. He had never seen the man so hysterical before. For a few minutes he just stared, not believing his eyes and ears. But when Shuuhei finally whispered those words, he couldn't help responding.

He saw Shuuhei stiffen then slowly turn around. The incredulous look on Shuuhei's face was priceless. Shuuhei simply stared at him, mouth gaping, then turned to stare at the prone body lying in front of him. His head went back and forth like that a few times before he finally uttered a very confused "What the hell?"

Renji had no idea what was going either. He noticed "himself" lying unconscious on a mattress only after seeing Shuuhei's reaction, and he was just as clueless. He subconsciously gave his own chest a pat, just to make sure that he was indeed alive and standing. But his confusion at the situation was completely overshadowed by his shock of seeing Shuuhei so distraught, apparently over him.

He walked over to Shuuhei and helped him up, gasping when he saw the bright blood stains on the bandages. "What the fuck!" Renji cried. Shuuhei looked up at Renji with heavy lids, looking as if he was going to pass out. After the initial shock and relief of seeing Renji alive and well, pain and exhaustion that had been temporarily forgotten now hit him like a ton of bricks.

Without them noticing, Orihime had fully focused her healing orange shield around Hisagi only. Hearing Renji's sudden outburst, she said in a soft voice, "Don't worry Renji-kun. He'll be fine."

Renji clutched Shuuhei to his chest. Different emotions churned in his gut, leaving him speechless and extremely confused. Did he really mean so much to this injured man? He looked down at the limp figure in his arms and realized that Shuuhei had fallen asleep, so he gently lowered the man onto the mattress. He stayed next to Shuuhei and patiently waited as Orihime worked her magic.

* * *

><p>"Whose fucking bright idea was that?" Renji fumed. After making sure that Shuuhei would be alright, he stormed out to confront his friends about the whole situation. To his disbelief, he was told that the "him" that was lying in the room was actually his gigai. <em>Someone<em> had unleashed their artistic talents on the gigai, which was now ruined from the damage inflicted on it.

From the sideway glances and guilty looks, he could tell that Ichigo and Rukia must've been the masterminds. He glared at them in turn and watched as Rukia squirmed under his icy gaze. Even Kira looked uncomfortable; he was standing behind Ichigo and kept shifting his weight between his left and right foot.

"Well, we got him to spit it out, didn't we?" Ichigo said indignantly, his orange hair bobbed as he stuck out his chin. "The old fart would never had admitted it if we left it up to him!"

"That _old fart_ literally just came back from the dead!" Renji yelled, poking Ichigo's chest so hard that the boy winced. "Were you trying to kill him?"

"Urahara said he was well enough that he could take it," Rukia piped up then turned to Urahara. "Neh!" Standing next to her, the shopkeeper gave a sly chuckle and hid his face behind his ever-present fan.

Renji groaned and buried his face in his right palm. _Un-fucking-believable._

* * *

><p>It was nearly midnight when Shuuhei finally came to. After finding out the truth behind this whole…scheme, Renji had been at his side the entire time, oblivious to his own hunger and thirst. When he saw Shuuhei's eyes flutter, his heart soared in relief.<p>

"Renji?" Shuuhei's voice was hoarse.

"I'm here," Renji said, reaching out to touch Shuuhei's hand. This time, Shuuhei didn't pull away. Instead, he grasped the redhead's hand like a drowning man.

"I thought you were dead…" Shuuhei whispered.

"Then we're even," Renji replied with a smile. There was a few seconds of silence before he continued, "So…what did you want to tell me?"

Shuuhei's face immediately flushed in embarrassment. He turned his head away from Renji and draped his free arm over his eyes.

"Well? Do I have to die again?" Renji asked with a sigh.

Still turned away from Renji, Hisagi muttered something under his breath.

"What? I can't hear you, Shuuhei."

"I said I should have told you that…that I love you." Shuuhei repeated grudgingly. He kept his face turned to the side to avoid Renji's gaze. His face burned.

Renji gently grabbed Shuuhei's shoulder to turn him around. "Is that really so hard to say?" Renji asked softly.

Shuuhei looked up at the redhead. "I just wanted to…protect you."

"From what?" Renji laughed. "So you decided that tearing me apart and breaking my heart was a better option?" He immediately shut up after that, realizing that he probably shouldn't have teased Shuuhei about that. No doubt the raven-haired man was already blaming himself for his actions. "Uhh, I mean…umm…"

Smiling sadly, Shuuhei raised a hand to touch Renji's face. "I won't survive the war, Renji, I know it. I don't want to drag you into an emotional investment only to have your heart broken," he said softly while gazing intently into Renji's eyes. "Besides, I had no idea how you would feel about me, I didn't want to risk…losing our friendship…" His voice trailed off.

Renji wrapped his fingers around Shuuhei's hand and pressed it against his cheek. "Nobody knows if they're going to survive the war, Shuuhei. Hell, I'd probably die before you." He gave a dry chuckle. "But we're here _now_. Why should we suffer now when this could be our final moments in life?"

Hearing that, Shuuhei closed his eyes and sighed. That was what Kira had said when they had that conversation over dinner. He realized now that it was true, he wanted nothing more than to cherish whatever limited time they had before the war descended upon them. Why had he not think like this before? It wasn't until he saw Renji's bloodied body that he realized how much he would regret not telling Renji his true feelings before they parted.

Renji leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Shuuhei's closed eyelids. His lips lingered, then moved down to Shuuhei's lips. Shuuhei's eyes fluttered open in surprise, then he closed them again and allowed himself to melt into the kiss. His pulse quickened when he felt Renji's tongue trace his lower lips gently, as if he was asking permission to go further. He opened his mouth slightly, welcoming Renji's tongue. Shuuhei couldn't suppress a moan as the kiss deepened, and he felt heat slowly creep up his neck. After a while, Renji broke the kiss.

Shuuhei opened his eyes and found Renji looking intently at him. "Will you stay with me tonight?" Shuuhei asked, almost shyly. That earned him a playful punch on his shoulder.

"Tonight, and every night, Shuuhei."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Two weeks later, the group of friends gathered at their regular hangout, the izakaya restaurant, to celebrate Shuuhei's recovery. After recuperating at Urahara's for several more days, he was deemed stable enough to make the journey back to Soul Society, where he continued to receive treatment from Squad 4. However, given the gravity of his wounds, he had had to stay at Squad 4's infirmary the entire time and was finally just discharged that morning.

"Kanpai!" Ikkaku yelled at the top of his lungs. He was already half-drunk, and had to be kept upright by Yumichika, although he kept insisting that he was perfectly sober. Kira hid a chuckle behind his sake cup while Matsumoto leaned heavily against him, hiccupping. The blonde seemed completely unfazed by the large breasts that were practically pressed against his face.

Shuuhei beamed as he looked around at his friends. He had not felt so alive in his life, and had never appreciated being surrounded by all his friends like he did now. Since his near-death experience, he had learned to open his heart. Bit by bit, the Shuuhei who always kept his emotions tightly wrapped within, who always thought he had to bear every burden in the world alone, began to melt away. He stole a look at Renji, who was sitting next to him. He would never be able to do this without the redhead, who had turned his world upside down ever since they confessed their feelings for each other.

When they first came back to Soul Society, Renji had to immediately return to duty, so aside from quick visits at the infirmary, they didn't really get to spend much time together. It was during those visits that Shuuhei learned just how much the man cared for him. Renji was of course still as brash as ever; he complained loudly about the workload that Kuchiki Taicho pushed on him everyday, yelled at Hisagi for not taking his medicine on time, and laughed at Shuuhei's jokes so loudly that he was nearly booted out of the infirmary. Yet at the same time he was so attentive that the slightest grimace from Shuuhei would send him yelling for a healer. But what struck Shuuhei the most was the way the redhead looked at him. His scarlet eyes filled with such concern and tenderness that Shuuhei simply wanted to crush him with a tight hug.

"Well, we should get you home now." Shuuhei was startled by Renji's voice. The redhead stood up and tugged at his sleeves. "You're still a patient in my book, so it's bedtime for you!"

As the others waved and shouted their well wishes, the two men started their walk home. A short moment later, both of them stopped abruptly and opened their mouth to speak.

"So—"

"Where—"

After a brief second of silence, both of them burst into laughter. "Well, your place or mine?" Renji asked with a wink. "I heard this is a popular pickup line in the real world." He added with a serious look on his face.

"It sure works on me," Shuuhei said with a smile.

Renji grinned and grabbed Shuuhei's hand. "Okay then, my place, it's closer anyway."

Soon they were standing in front of Renji's room. When the door swung open, both men hesitated, standing almost awkwardly at the door, each waiting for the other to enter first. Then, both stepped forward at the same time and ended up bumping into each other. When Renji brushed against Shuuhei, Shuuhei felt something that made him widen his eyes.

Renji caught his expression. "I've been, uhh, trying to hide that…little problem since we were at the bar." He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

Shuuhei chuckled and pulled Renji close to him. He shut the door then pressed himself on Renji, pushing the redhead against the door. He cupped Renji's face and breathed into his ear, "Then we'd better…take care…of that little problem, shall we?" Then he captured Renji's lips in his own. Renji gave a small moan before kissing back with passion. Shuuhei felt the heat from his lover's body against his own even through their robes, and he welcomed it.

Kissing and panting, the two men eventually found their way to Renji's bed. Breaking their kiss, Renji pushed Shuuhei onto the bed. Then he gently tugged off Shuuhei's top, revealing his chest…and three fresh scars. Slowly, he traced his lips down to those battle wounds, where he stopped and nuzzled his nose against them. They were terrible scars, but they were what finally brought them together after all. Then, pinning Shuuhei's arms on the bed, Renji moved further down towards Shuuhei's groin. When he rubbed his face lightly on the bulge in Hisagi's pants, a soft groan escaped the raven-haired man.

Renji grinned and licked the arousal through the robes, earning another moan from his lover. The moan sent chills straight to Renji's groin, and he sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation. _Damn it! _Renji had wanted to drag this out, to tease Shuuhei, but he didn't think he was up to it tonight after all. To hell with teasing, he decided, they had waited for this day for too long.

With that, he tugged roughly at Shuuhei's robes. "Oi!" Shuuhei gave a startled yelp, then chuckled when he caught sight of Renji's flushed face. Renji looked up, his eyes shinning with desire. Shuuhei knew he must had that look in his own eyes as well, because Renji gave him a crooked grin before completely ridding him of the annoying robes.

"Here," Shuuhei offered. The redhead crawled on top of him and let Shuuhei disrobe him. When they were finally naked in each other's arms, Hisagi relished in the bliss of having Renji's warm skin against his own. He could feel Renji's heartbeat against his chest and his breath against his neck. When he felt their erections rubbing against each other, Shuuhei shuddered and low moan escaped his lips. Renji buried his head into the older man's shoulder as he lifted his upper body and slowly thrust his hips against Shuuhei, increasing the delicious friction.

"Mmmph…" Renji groaned in pleasure at the sensation. "Senpai…"

"I need you, Renji…" Shuuhei whispered in the redhead's ear.

Renji reached a hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Shuuhei's manhood. "Ahh!" Shuuhei let out a cry at the sudden pressure, then the cry turned into a moan as Renji started stroking him…slowly at first, then increased in pace as Hisagi's breath became ragged. Hisagi arched his back and cried out his lover's name.

"Wait for me," Renji said, his voice hoarse. He let go of Shuuhei and slid down, his body still pressed against his lover's. His tongue soon replaced his hand, travelling up and down Hisagi's shaft in slow motion. Once he was certain that the entire length was slick with saliva, he slowly took the tip in his mouth. Inch by inch, he soon had Hisagi's entire length in his warm mouth. When he felt the tip hit the back of his throat, he hollowed his cheeks and sucked gently.

"Oh god…" Shuuhei saw stars as he felt himself enveloped in warm wetness. His fingers dug into the sheets, and it took all of his self-discipline to resist thrusting into Renji's mouth. Renji's ponytail bobbed as he moved his mouth up and down Shuuhei's length. The muscles in his broad shoulders rippled as he moved.

"Renji…please…" Shuuhei gasped and struggled to sit up. He knew that Renji's own need was being neglected, and he didn't want to be the only one being pleasured.

"Hush…" Renji mouth left Shuuhei's throbbing member and he moved up to his lover's face. His body pressed down on Shuuhei's, forcing the man back onto the bed, and then he thrust his hips lightly, rubbing their erections against each other, earning another moan from the man lying underneath. "Do you like it?" He whispered seductively into Shuuhei's ear.

The raven-haired man chuckled. "Are you kidding me?" Shuuhei thought back of the many dreams he had had before. "This is so much better than my dreams…"

An eyebrow cocked. "You dreamed of this?" Renji couldn't hide his smirk. He felt half amused, half flattered. He had dreamed his senpai countless times, but he never thought that he himself would be the subject of Shuuhei's dreams.

"Many nights…" Shuuhei murmured, basking in the warmth of the body above him. "Haven't you?"

The redhead laughed. "Often enough for me to run out of sheets." That earned a snort of laughter from his lover. "So...what are they like? Your dreams…"

"You always teased me…" Shuuhei recalled, his cheeks flushing. "You'd stretch my limit…make me wait in agony…god, you drove me nuts!"

Renji chuckled as he remembered that he had wanted to do exactly that. "Not tonight…" he said before capturing his lover's lips again.

"Move up," he commanded. Shuuhei scooted further up the bed. Renji gently parted his lover's legs and knelt between them. Then, he discarded his own robes. His erection, which had been straining against the fabric painfully, was finally freed.

Shuuhei eyes widened at the sight. Renji was…well, _very_ well endowed. He was suddenly worried at what was going to happen. Renji noticed his brief hesitation and bent down to give him a reassuring kiss. "I'll be gentle," he whispered.

The redhead's finger found Shuuhei's tight entrance and gently slid in. When Shuuhei winced, he immediately pulled his finger out, but was stopped by Shuuhei's hand. "I can take it," Shuuhei said firmly. Re-assured, Renji pushed in again, and then slowly added another finger. He heard a low hiss as Shuuhei took in the additional pressure.

He paushed to give Shuuhei some time to get used to the sensation, then he began a gentle scissoring motion with his fingers, and at the same time twisted his fingers around to search for that one special spot. When Shuuhei suddenly bucked and arched his back, he knew he found it. He slowly pressed against the sensitive bundle of nerves and was immediately rewarded by a string of muttered curses from the older man.

Shuuhei was now frantic with need as Renji kept up the motion of his fingers. He thrust his hips up urgently to signal that he's ready. His body was coated in a sheen of sweat, and his normally neat, spiky dark hair was now matted against his forehead. "Renji!" He gasped.

At Shuuhei's desperate yell, Renji withdrew his fingers and placed his erection at his lover's entrance. Keeping an eye on Shuuhei's face to watch for any sign of discomfort, he pressed forward. Shuuhei simply closed his eyes and groaned softly. His body welcomed Renji, wrapping Renji in a warm embrace. The redhead buried himself to the hilt, moaning in pleasure at his lover's tightness.

"God, Shuuhei…" Renji muttered between his teeth. "You're so tight…" He punctuated that last word with an especially hard thrust.

Shuuhei was incoherent by that time so he simply looked at Renji and gave a crooked smile. Renji closed his eyes and began to thrust. He kept up a steady pace at first, then slowly withdrew until his tip was just inside the entrance, then he slammed all the way back in one stroke. Shuuhei let out a strangled cry when Renji hit his sensitive spot. His body jerked up, driving Renji even deeper inside.

By now Renji's hair had become undone, his long mane drapped across his shoulders and brushed against Shuuhei's cheeks.

"Senpai…" Renji panted. "Are you…close?"

Shuuhei nodded, sweat dripping off his brow. At that, Renji reached between them and wrapped his warm fingers around Hisagi's erection and pumped slowly. After a while, he quickened the pace to match his thrusts. The room was filled with the sweet sounds of flesh against flesh, accompanied by grunts and moans of pleasure from the two lovers as they raced towards the point of no return.

Shuuhei felt a familiar tightness in his gut, and he knew he was nearing the edge. He clutched Renji's hair and cried, "I'm…ahhh….I can't…last…" Then he draped an arm over his mouth and clamped his teeth down on the back of his palm to muffle his own screams.

"Me…too…" Renji groaned as he continued to pound into his lover. He refused to allow his own release until he was sure that Shuuhei had had his. He felt a warm gush on his hand and stomach and knew that Shuuhei had climaxed. Shuuhei's muscles clamped down on Renji as he came, and that was all Renji needed. With a final hard thrust, he bit down on Shuuhei's shoulder and released himself inside his lover.

When Renji finally stopped pulsing, he slowly pulled out and rolled over, exhausted. He looked over at Shuuhei and chuckled. The dark-haired man was panting heavily with his eyes closed, the back of his palm still in his mouth.

"What so funny?" Shuuhei muttered between breaths, giving Renji a sideways glare.

The redhead laughed. "To think…" he said, taking in deep breaths. "To think that we nearly missed out on this…"

"Well…" He felt Shuuhei's warm body pressed against his own. "We'll just have to make up for lost time…"

* * *

><p><strong>And...<em>that<em>...marks the end of my first fan-fic! I just love Renji and can't get enough of him. ;) Please let me know what you think!**


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